Tuesday, January 12

The F'ing Cats

My Neighbor feeds the local stray cats. There’s a bunch of them, and they love the vats of chicken and rice he puts out. Mostly they stay in his yard, but also enjoy our yard for napping and pooping. They like to do both in the shade, but definitely prefer pooping under our kitchen windows. And/or in every flower bed. We shoo them away, but they keep coming back.

We’re now starting to see a new generation of strays. The first leader was and old dude with one eye. We called him, um, Old One Eye. He would just stare at me while I yelled and threw shit at him, only leaving when he was good and ready. He’s moved on to the big litter box in the sky, but his younger doppelganger is around, and he seems to be the new King.

Last week Son Of One-Eye was lounging on the porch when Keri got home. A few nights later he was just sitting at the front door, meowing. I made ant-cat noises at him while he stared at me and meowed, eventually running away. A few days later he was back again, making a racket. I looked out the window to get a visual on my verbal target, and noticed he was not alone. He brought a friend over over and was having his way her right on our front lawn. Horny little bastard.

Stains on the porch indicated that this was not their first affair, so we called an organization of Volunteer Cat Weirdos. Ultimately they would trap, neuter and release the strays, but first we needed to confirm that our Neighbor does not own The Cats. This is less simple than one would expect. See, our Elderly Asian Neighbor only speaks his native language of (_______). He is very nice, and we wave and grunt greetings to each other, but the communication gap is large. Keri tried broaching the subject of Cat Owership on Saturday Morning. Words were spoken, and there was some pointing, but in the end everyone left confused. This discussion was re-ignited Saturday evening, this time it ending when we Neighbor Dude handed Keri a large bag of freshly picked lemons. Not quite the resolution we were hoping for, but the Journey continues…